Nothing But The Self

It is never
the beauty in others,
but in its waking
within us
that we are drawn
to them.

Saachi

This happened couple of days ago, out of the blue – the line separating both sides of reality (tangible and intangible), vanished. I turned into a blank space where images flipped, sounds danced, textures rested and fragrances teased. Alongside were thoughts and feelings, though they weren’t granted the foreground. My attention was deliberately pulled away, cleared of the temptation to cling. I watched the scenes around devoid of influence, as if it were a movie, allowing everything to touch and go. This act of psychological distancing sounds weird and unrealistic as majority of us stay ignorant of it. Personally, I don’t recollect being informed of not identifying with objects of my perception. So, the natural disconnection remained an alien concept, until now.

Practicing this gap over time has opened up the possibility of living beyond confines of my dominating thoughts and fleeting emotions. By choosing to step out of stories from my memory that trigger certain reactions, I saw that both (the story and emotions) erupt from me. Gradually my association with a person or situation lost its meaning, shifting the focus inwards. Initially there was heaviness and discomfort for obvious reasons of evading responsibility, though in the long run it proved to be liberating. I was, then, no more obsessed with life and people matching my pre-requisites, realizing the outline was sketched by me and can be erased at anytime. This goes for the highs in my experiences too as it called for diluting attachments that held capacity to disappoint when external occurrences refused to match my expectations. It is this distance or difference between the formations in my imagination and outside of it, that overthrew peace. In sincere acceptance and knowing that I only underwent that which arose inside of me, settling into the present became effortless. Each time observing myself as if nothing else existed, has unlocked another door to an unfamiliar world.

Saachi