What do you do when tied down at an emotional crossroad wondering who to keep in your life and choosing is inevitable? We are infinitely bound to make choices to pave the way forward and typically even if we do nothing about it, that’s still a choice! Quite a scary one though because then we remain in the loop of an undesired reality, allowing the past to become our present seeping into the future. You see who is to take responsibility for all that mess going on?
My personal opinion says, those who have loved without conditions do not hold grudges when facing separation. They understand at a deeper level the reasons for taking that harsh step of splitting, going away or whatever it may be. When love exists in its purity, physical distances still do not matter. And its absence, the physical closeness holds no value. Unfortunately, the tangible gap misleads us to judge our connectedness with people.
With a friend’s departure from this country, initially, arose insecurity and a sense of loneliness knowing very well that technology wont let us cut off. Yet that belief – ‘out of sight, out of mind’ bred fear. Though circumstances, particularly the lockdown, smashed all baseless doubts of reuniting in spirit. When logic was declined, an unexplainable force pulled us back in a more beautiful setting. We exchanged voice notes across borders ultimately realizing we are channels enabling the flow of intuition.
This example may sound out of place for what I started this post with, since her moving away was unavoidable. Yet, I use it as a base to perceive the concepts of holding on and letting go. Also that barriers are not applicable to those predestined to evolve together, while confinement to common walls can have invisible fences tearing people apart. The difference is whether the option to decide the way forward lies with us or is forced by destiny. With the latter, comes relief for the onus isn’t on us and often acceptance follows promptly as we reassure ‘it was meant to be’.
This is called ‘surrender’ if you’ve ever heard of that term, commonly understood as ‘letting go’ of the need to ‘hold on’ to what we assume belongs to us added with faith in the ultimate higher power. Sometimes these lessons, to take a pick, are thrown at us deliberately. Its good to know that the emotional space from which the decision comes gives the experience its weight, making it heavy or light. This brings empowerment and urges us to determine which relationships hamper our self -worth, progress, or whatever may be dear to us. Conflicts occur and carry on until there is clarity on where we stand, where we want to go and who is constantly throwing us off that spot. If that doesn’t hurt, or you’ve made peace with it, then by all means allow the relation to continue.
Should you come to a point, or a crossroad (yes that’s what we began with), and take the route which splits the two of you, make sure to first clean up your mind of any grudge, anger, revenge or agitation. The selection made from reasoning that pops from these emotions will usually give unfulfilling results mainly because these feelings are of such nature that they refuse to move on. Their clinginess makes them hang around and may possibly bring regret or guilt when all such reasoning has dissolved over time. Hence, the insistence on shedding.
What happens on the other side is beyond control, yet, you ‘live with’ and ‘build with’ the climate inside you. Explore, acknowledge and then make an attempt to transit to calm and peace. Silence, that resides outside the mind, is ironically filled with indescribable wisdom. There are multiple ways of getting there from committed meditation to tools and techniques from expert coaches. After having tried them all, I’d say every person must create his/her own mix of these if they’re done with repeated pain and serious about transforming.
It may take a lot of self work to say ‘I will always be there for you even beyond this separation’, but there is a possibility of arriving at that. Begin with that as your destination so the journey kickstarts in the right direction. Permit the heaviness to fade from within you so the experience wont leave too many scars, at the same time flushing away possibilities of blocking healthy connections from being built afterwards. Then will appear the state of abundance, when such clarity sets within. You’ll operate with balance keeping all doors open to sending and receiving goodness for those who are yet to enter your life. How you treat your past has a direct influence on what is yet to be, and that is entirely your choice.
With much hope to see the shift to a better inner space,